fetishsecrets

I went out yesterday, drank a lot. Met my ex at a club, not intetsionally, but we just ran in to eachother. When we were together he was such a bitch and tested me and suddenly just broke up with me. I thought that to be strange, since I knew he was really in love with me, and propably will never feel the same for anyone else. And last night he admitted that to me and told me it was the biggest mistake of his life, blah blah blah.

I thought he was really sweet and kissed him. Long story short, we kissed a lot and I brought him home. He said we had to wait to have sex for some reason, and if I really wanted to have sex with him I could manage to wait. Well, I was SOOO horny, and tried to push, but we didn't have sex. Just cuddled naked in my bed. I said that if he really is serious THIS time, he would call/sms me monday or tuesday. He said he would, but i have my doubts. Everytime I've gotten a message today I hoped it was from him... Why am I doing this? I can't start having feelings for him again, it would just hurt me way to much! I don't know.


And I'm a fucking terrible person. I'm still with my bf. He would first kill me and then himself if he found out. fuck.

I don't know if all this is good or bad.

Finaly, I'm updating. Don't know why, but I just almost forgot about this place.
What's been happening since last.

Yeah, my bf's girlfriend I've been making out with, we all had a threesome. And I realized I'm gay. My bf got more out of the episode then I got. We were having a good time, just easy, almost innocent stuff. But then he begins fucking her, bad german porn-movie style, and I leave. And he goes on. Am I weird, thinking that's cheating? We were all in it together, yeah. But I left, doesn't that mean I'm no longer a part of it, and he's on his own?
I almost broke up with him, but he talked me in to not doing it, he was crying and all that stuff.

I did have more problems with that than I thought I would have. For the past time I've been drugging my self with strong medication, just to not think about it. The thing is, he's nice, we have great sex. But.

What happened. I told him how I felt the day after, told him I thought he was disgusting and that I hated him. Later that evening I went to a party, made out with some people. Suddenly I got a rush at the way home. I called him, he was on his way to a friend (his ex, btw). I told him to go home and wait for me. I went to his place, smoked a cigarette and i pushed him on to his bed, ripping off his clothes and commanded him in what to do. (things I even didn't think I ever wanted to do. hehe). After we finished, I left for home. And since we did have sex, he just asumed everything was in perfect order. yeah.

And out of the blue he just tells me occasionally he ran into her or they plan to meet and stuff. He just thinks I forgot.


But away from emo, and over to more fun stuff. I'm in love with my boss. I don't know why.. He's ok looking, but he's so charming in a way. And it almost feels he's curious about me too, but it could be my imagination. It seems he likes me and he's really nice towards me, but it could just be his personality or something.

I'll quit writing now, it's already a too long entry, sorry. Try to write again soon.

The other day my bf almost tried to rape me. And when he realized what he was about do to I had to comfort me.
Is this a sign for things might be wrong?
He's totally self-centered btw, but not in a regular way. It's all weird and complicated.

And I realized today I might not be gay. And that's fucking akward, since I've felt gay since I was 5 or something.


Hi hi, I've made out with one of my bf's girlfriends on several occations, and he doesn't know - if he'll find out he'll kill me. It's only for fun though.

The last week's been weird. I've hated my bf real badly. For no fucking reason. Or so. I just felt he was this huge bitch towards me. And everybody are adoring him and I'm standing there like "...ehehe... hum...*tryingtomakeselfinviscible*"
What happened was that I didn't have sex with him for like a week. Not directly because of this. More because of me cutting my stomack and hips. Not that badly, it's been worse before. But the point was I didn't want him to see. It was just a kind of impulse thingy.
So the last days I've just turned of the lights completely when I went to bed with him. Kind of funny acctually.
And sorry for crap english. Just bloody tired. I'll finish of this now.

I realize I1m not that good updateing this journal. I don't know what to say... You know, there's just not much stuff happening these days.
Bf has moved, living closer to me. So we fuck more than we used to.
Things are, ok, great, fine, awful at some points, but in all I must say I'm happy. Even though I'm soooo tired all the time. It's the eternal darkness that surrounds me like most of the time, it's like I'll never se the light.

And I'm way to tired to even j/o right now. Not that I think it's so exciting anyway.

Peace & Love people.

I never thought it was possible to fill my mouth with so much cum at once...

need updating I guess. What's happening since last post?
Things are going more smoothly and good since last, even though a bit enoying, but it'll work out fine. I hope and think.
Christmas is coming up. What to fucking do then? Presents, eating, drinking, be with fam and stuff like that. Great! Fucking great!

I want sex. On the floor, on the table, in my bed, in the shower. Wherever. Sex has been quite unavailable lately, no special reason, but haven't had a good oppertunity. Me buzy, bf buzy, everyone being buzy. Stuff happening, stuff not happening.

Yeah, better to be rich an famous, than poor and sick I say.

Motherfuck. Don't think our relationship's going well. He's in love with me, but am I?
Just got a flashback bout an x. Shitshitshit. And it's a shitassmotherfuckermoron-x, too! I hate his guts, sorta.
helphelphelphelp.
I feel like I need some sex, but not sex from my bf, not fucking good.
For one time in my life I felt like I had something going smooth and stabile, but wtf??

omg, this is like so fucked up lj-shit and crap. Oh hell, It's lj.
No one reads this anyway, so why should I care?

Feel better now, so. Well, not much, but a tiny tiny bit.

I'm so f'ing confused, whom do I love? God. Yey, what's happening or some?

anybody besides me kinda thinking 'bout cheating on your significant other?
Our sex is great, and relationship 2, but I often just think cheating would be fun. heh.

Yesterday I was at this party with my bf. I just realize more and more stuff about myself. Used to think I'd never have fun during sex blah blah blah.
Now I'm thinking about bondage, clothing and threesomes. I don't know with who, but I would really like to try sometime.
My boyfriend lay on top of me this morning, fucking me. So I'm quite covered with love juices, inside. I'm a tiny bit tired. But he make me cum nicely.